Donna Trussell

It’s not fun to be a contrarian. You get accused of things. You get blamed for things.

Last week on The Larry King Show, Bill Maher said that although he supports Obama, he has no problem with an “angry” McCain.

I don’t mind an angry politician. I’ve often wondered why American people aren’t angrier. So I think we need a guy who’s angry in there. That doesn’t bother me at all. But it bothers Americans. I’ve never understood that, considering how much we’re poisoned, lied to and ripped off, especially with what’s going on now. I don’t understand why they’re not in the streets with pitch forks. I really don’t.

Now, here’s a guy who thinks anger can be an appropriate reaction. Who will stand with Bill Maher? Anyone? No?

I will. But Mr. Maher, I don’t think many will be joining us. And of the ones who do, few will be female.

Anger is especially loaded for women. Women are not supposed to express anger. If something bad happens, a woman is supposed to somehow turn it into joy. Or at least serenity.

I admire people who can pull it off. I think Kris Carr, who was diagnosed with stage IV cancer and the age of 31, pulled it off beautifully in her Crazy Sexy Cancer documentary.

I’m no fan of the liquid-grass diet and the other “cleansing” techniques she favors, but I give Carr credit for being proactive despite her lack of options.

I attribute Carr’s survival more to luck than food or attitude. But hey, whatever gets you there.

Carr is perky—I was afraid of that—but it isn’t forced. And she does give us the occasional dose of gravitas. At the hospital Carr gestures at stacks of gowns and says: The hospital washes them and reuses them. Lots of people who wore these gowns are dead.

Yep.

There was another poignant scene not long after her diagnosis. Carr started to cry and mumbled something about taking life for granted.

Oh, that’s a dark and lonely place. I’ve been there. And I’m glad, for her sake, that such thoughts were fleeting.

For the record, I see nothing wrong with a positive attitude. What I don’t like is dissembling. I don’t like cancer patients pretending they’re happy when they’re actually devastated. I don’t like society ghettoizing cancer patients.

And I don’t like the implication (or outright statement!) that cancer patients bring this disease on themselves. If you don’t smoke, there’s still excess weight. If you’re fit and trim, there’s meat. Or booze. Or secondhand smoke. Or milk. Or living in Houston. Or negative thinking. The list is endless. There’s gotta be some way we can pin this on the cancer patient, right?

When I was a fetus, my mother was afraid she’d miscarry, and for months she took pills the doctor gave her. We don’t know if she took DES or progesterone, and we’ll never know if those pills played a part in my diagnosis 48 years later of stage III ovarian cancer.

Back in those days, women didn’t question doctors’ orders like they do now. I don’t fault my mother. She was only 21, and she was trying to save my life. But as for my personal responsibility, I was hardly in a position to protest.

And yet there are some who’d like to blame me for my fate.

My critics ought to try a few cancer conferences and listen to as many science lectures as I have. What they’d hear is not attitude attitude attitude, but rather genetics genetics genetics.

In point of fact, my cousin was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 30. So in addition to the pills my mother took, my genes may have played a part. (And you’ll have to take that up with some Crawfords buried in Texas. I had nothing to do with it!)

Oni Faida Lampley (1959-2008)

But back to Kris Carr’s film. For me, there was one moment in Crazy Sexy Cancer that especially resonated. Carr was visiting a playwright, Oni Faida Lampley, who had survived breast cancer for a decade.

Carr asked Lampley if you ever get used to having cancer.

I suspect what Carr was really asking was: Will things ever be OK again, will I ever feel like me again, will I someday be able to shake off cancer the way a dog shakes off water? And please say yes.

Lampley was blunt: It doesn’t matter. Cancer doesn’t care whether you accept it or not.

Wise woman.

But it’s not the kind of answer the world wants to hear. Kudos to Kris Carr for having the strength and maturity to put it in her film anyway. She revealed herself to be a true optimist because she could bear the pessimism of others.

More power to her. We pessimists need optimists for balance. They keep the ship afloat.